I have a lot to tell you, lovely follower. TWO AMAZING THINGS HAPPENED TODAY! Not 1, not 3, but 2!!

I just want to write an extremely detailed post right now (as how I usually write on this here tumblr thing) but I can’t afford to do that because of an important exam tomorrow, but I will give you the gist in BULLET POINT FORMAT! That’s what the cool kids are doing these days, right? RIGHT?!?!

These series of fortunate events are as follows…

• I wake up at 7 AM on the dot so I can beat my monotone roommate to the shower. To do this, I have to set my iPhone’s alarm clock at 5:15 AM, 5:30 AM, 5:45 AM, etc., you know, so I can warm up to the idea of waking up early so by the time it hits 7 AM, my body will easily crawl out of bed! I hate myself.
• QUICK SIDEBAR: I apologize for breaking the rule of bullet points. I realize that bullet point was way too long and defeats the purpose of everything bullet points stand for.
• QUICK SIDEBAR #2: I also realize “Quick Sidebar [#1]” was no exception.
• (I’m so sorry)
• OKAY HERE WE GO…
• In my INTRO TO ACTING class today, our first assignment was due. That first assignment was a class talent show.
• THAT’S RIGHT, A TALENT SHOW!
• “But I don’t have a talent.” -Everyone ever at some point, probably
• We had a week’s warning before this assignment, and the whole week I thought to myself that I knew I wanted to / had to do comedy in some form, but I was stressed out nonetheless.
• The night before the assignment was due, I just decided that I was going to just read some of my tweets out loud. As I lay my head on my pillow that night, I just thought I’ll look through my twitter feed and pick the best of my recent jokes.
• OKAY. So it is now 8 AM and I am on campus. At 9:30 AM I have SCRIPT ANALYSIS, and at 11 AM I have INTRO TO ACTING.
• I had an hour and a half to look through my entire twitter feed and select several jokes I’m particularly proud of. I had to keep in mind a sort of flow and connect these jokes together so it wouldn’t be me just reading my tweets. I HAD TO PERFORM THESE JOKES.
• I created a setlist in an email (which were just the tweets copy/pasted in bulleted format) and sent it to myself. I planned to have a Rock Band microphone as a prop, and refer to my iPhone for the setlist if necessary. I WAS READY AND NERVOUS AND EXCITED!
• It is now 10:45 AM. I just got out of my SCRIPT ANALYSIS class and am now on the way to INTRO TO ACTING at 11 AM.
• BUT WAIT! What’s that? I’m getting a call? But I don’t have friends! I pick up the phone and it was Mrs. Kendrick, the web developer for the University of Georgia.
• QUICK BUT VERY IMPORTANT SIDEBAR #3: I sent in my resume to be a “Student Web Design Assistant” for the UGA websites.
• I GOT THE JOB TO BE A “STUDENT WEB DESIGN ASSISTANT” FOR THE UGA WEBSITES! (Amazing thing #1)
• I am SO happy and excited. This will be an amazing experience and be a killer component to my resume for the Digital Internship at CONAN!
• I got the phone call literally 10 minutes before my INTRO TO ACTING class. It immediately put me in a good mood, and it somehow made the talent show a lot less scary. I WAS READY TO GO!
• It is now 11:25 AM… ish. I don’t know, I didn’t really keep checking the time, I just thought it would make this bulleted list more exciting. So it’s 11:26 AM, I’m the 4th person to go, AND THEN HISTORY IS MADE!
• I performed stand-up in front of people for the first time. (Amazing Thing #2 - If you were only reading this to find the TWO AMAZING THINGS mentioned in the second sentence of this post, I guess you can stop reading now)
• SO YEAH! I went up there, and did it. I looked at my audience, I introduced myself (since it’s still the first few weeks of school, we all really don’t know each other too well yet), and I went straight into it…
• OH MY GOD. THE LAUGHTER. THE LAUGHTER THE AUDIENCE GAVE BACK TO ME. IT WAS AMAZING. To be able to stand up in front of 30 people and perform something I wrote, is an experience I will never forget. And, I mean, I won’t forget it, because I want to keep doing it. If you follow me on twitter, none of the material was new, so the fact that this was to a class of people who don’t know me, everything worked perfectly. The only thing I did that was new were my improvised transitions, and that received even better feedback then some of the jokes I did. IT WAS AMAZING! It was such a wonderful feeling, making a bunch of people in a room I don’t know laugh. IT WAS INCREDIBLE. GAH. I’m getting chills right now just thinking about it. After class was over some people came up to me and told me that I was really funny. MY FACE WAS OBVIOUSLY RED WITH HAPPINESS!
• [BULLET POINT LIMIT REACHED]

AHHHHH. So yeah. MY EMOTIONS! I got a new job for the week (I still work at American Eagle on the weekends), and I performed stand-up for the first time. And uh, well, I say stand-up, but it was barely stand-up. It was just my tweets very cleverly connected by transitions. OH MY GOD I WISH SOMEONE RECORDED IT! I WISH SOMEONE RECORDED IT SO BAD! It didn’t occur to me do that, mainly because I was super nervous and thought it was gonna be bad. BUT I KILLED! (I promise I’m not trying to be cocky or brag… I’m just really really really proud of myself)

This feeling… this is the feeling comedians must feel when they kill on stage, or anywhere really. I really want to do this again soon, so hey, LOVELY FOLLOWER, if you want me to try and make you laugh, PLEASE LET ME KNOW. Seriously. I will call you / skype you / ANYTHING. It would help me improve, and I will hopefully make you laugh. IT’S A WIN-WIN!

Man. This is exciting. Web design job at UGA. Performing jokes for people. Things are happening. Things… are happen- *post starts fading to black* HEY, HEY! I’M NOT DONE YET WHAT ARE YOU DOING TUMB

*END*

I really need to fine-tune my comedy writing skills. I’m embarrassed to say that earlier this week, I spent an hour and a half that involved reading a headline, researching the current event, and then actually writing a joke for it. If I want to write for CONAN, I obviously can not spend that much time on one joke. Then again I don’t have my own research team, but HEY, no excuses, amirite? So, this is the result of my embarrassingly-long journey. It went through many revisions, and I’m pretty proud of the end result…

*insert laughter here* I mean, you get it right? *nervous laughter* I had a hard time deciding whether to make fun of A&F or The Situation, but I ultimately went with A&F (I do work at AE Outfitters, after all). That joke went onto get a favorite on twitter and about 10 likes on Facebook. Pretty good! An average number of likes for me. At this point of my aspiring comedy writing career I’m trying less to cater to the audience and more just trying to post what I think is funny.

I was quite content with myself for finally writing a decent headline joke, until MY IDOL, CONAN MONOLOGUE WRITER ROB KUTNER, wrote this tweet several hours later…

WHY CAN’T I BE THIS FUNNY?! RRRRRROOOOOOBBBBBB!!!!!! *shakes fist at the sky*

Then again, the jokes are different in the idea that he decided to make fun of The Situation rather than A&F… but boy oh boy is his joke funnier.

One of my proudest achievements is becoming the 4th runner up out of 700 entires for the “SUBMIT A JOKE FOR CONAN TO TWEET” contest that happened right before the show started. You can read more about that on my very first post on tumblr here. In case you have a thing against clicking words that lead to other pages, below is the joke I wrote and submitted, as well as my response when I found out I was 4th in the list of honorable mentions that really made Conan O’Brien, Mike Sweeney, and Bley “really laugh!”

Ahhh. I am super proud of that one. That being said, I never thought I would see this…

OH MY GOSH. I MEAN… ANDRES DU BOUCHET! A CONAN WRITER. It feels like only recently that I wrote a blog post about how Andres tweeted a similar long-form joke that I did. HE PRETTY MUCH WROTE THE SAME JOKE I DID! Of course, the first thing that came to mind was, “Great minds think alike!” ;)

So naturally, I responded to Andres with my shock…

AND THEN, THIS HAPPENED:

RIP Jeffrey Vega.

Hahaha! But seriously! ISN’T THAT AWESOME?! I have the mindset of a CONAN writer, and I received a complement FROM a CONAN writer. Which is obviously fantastic, since CONAN will be my future workplace. And as I said mentioned earlier as a link, this isn’t the first time this has happened. MY CONFIDENCE IS THROUGH THE ROOF, EVERYBODY. :{D

P.S. I wonder if he knew “@nintendoboy” was ME, when we met back in June…?! Andres is on the far right! Also pictured: CONAN writer Todd Levin and my sister, Bridgett!

One of the people I follow on Twitter, is CONAN writer Andres du Bouchet, and this string of jokes showed up on my timeline tonight (read the following tweets from the bottom up)…

So, yeah, that’s hilarious! He’s “@” tweeting himself and correcting his own joke. Ah, so great. Yep… that’s only something a true and hilarious comedy writer would do… such… hilarity…! HEY WAIT A MINUTE- I DID THE EXACT SAME THING BACK IN DECEMBER 2010!

*jaw-dropped* You can imagine my shocked face when I saw Andres (A CONAN WRITER!) write something exactly the way I did. SO COOL! Basically, the reason why I posted this juxtaposition is because I just wanted to bring the idea that… “Great (Comedic) Minds Think Alike!” … Right? RIGHT?! *nervous smile + thumbs up*

A week ago today, one of the greatest nights of my life took place. Even after just a week, I still can’t stop thinking about what happened that faithful night! But, instead of telling you about the apex of May 6th, 2011, let me show [dope] you!

I MET DONALD GLOVER / CHILDISH GAMBINO! It was truly a life dream meeting one of my biggest inspirations in comedy writing. :{D->—<

Oh, what a fantastic tale that lead up to this beautiful rendezvous. Where do I even begin? I’ll get started by showing you a picture I twitpic’d:

This was a pretty neat little collage that the Variety Playhouse had on their bulletin board outside. You might be thinking… “Hey Jeffrey, I can see your reflection! It looks pretty bright outside, when did you take this picture?” Oh, I’ll tell you, hypothetical question-asking person… I took this picture around 10 AM, right when some lady came out and put it up. “Woah, did you say 10 AM?! But the flyer clearly says the show starts at 8:30 PM!” Well… I may or may not have started the line at 9 AM. 9. A. M. Long story short, it was a LONG day. I had always planned to show my dedication unnecessarily early (the second person to join me in the line arrived around 3:45-ish…), and I even live-tweeted it with #IAMFIRSTINLINE. It was highly enjoyable, but actually I also had another motive. Kireet (my comedy partner), my sister, and I had come up with this campaign to try and get Donald to make a cameo in one of my Nintendo Boy videos, and we had done that by continuously tweeting this video:

Sadly, he never saw our tweets (I mean he literally gets like 20 twitter replies directed at @DonaldGlover every 5 minutes, so you can imagine all the people tweeting him after Donald himself tweets something), but it was still incredibly fun to do, and hey, we all ended up meeting him, so it worked out okay!

So that video slash campaign was part of the reason why I was there so early, hoping that maybe we still had a chance that day. But boy oh boy… what a long day. It actually wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be, as my sister joined me around 3 PM, and then Kireet, his sister, and their friend joined us around 6 PM. Obviously, at that point, the time flew by as we joked around and freaked out that we were about to see DONALD GLOVER / CHILDISH GAMBINO LIVE. But seriously, all the time before that… it was spent pacing around the front of the venue, people watching, and just twiddling my thumbs…

Note: The picture above was taken after a few people had finally shown up around 4 PM. But anyway. All the time before that, I was alone, and it was very… I was just… wow. It was tough. SO MUCH ANXIETY! Let me tell you though, it was obviously worth it. Obviously another reason I was there very early was because the venue had general admission seating, so I knew that my camping out for the day would mean I would be front and center hoping Donald would spit on me (which he did… multiple times!).

The Variety Playhouse had incredibly friendly people. I was there even before any of the staff arrived, but once they arrived and did stuff inside, one lady came out with a magazine around 11 AM and was like, “want some reading material?” Hahaha, I was so grateful. We actually chatted for a while, just about random things, and then she said how excited they were for Donald, and then she gave me a flyer about upcoming shows with the headline band being Death Cab for Cutie in August. I was planning to go, but the tickets actually went on sale on this very same day, so I wasn’t able to be by a computer. That being said, you can’t imagine my excitement when she told me that I could actually buy the tickets right at the box office I’ve been at for 2 hours and counting… the best part was that I completely avoided the horrendous fees that Ticketmaster charges! So I called my sister and told her to withdraw a lot of cash out of my bank account (*twitch*) so that when she got there we could score the tickets! Ah, that was awesome. So after that, the day went on. I had my lunch that I brought from home, paced some more, realized I had to go pee and then quickly accepted that I wasn’t going to be able to pee anytime soon, and also continued to people watch. Man, there are some real weirdos in Atlanta. After being approached by a couple people, a guy from the Variety Playhouse came out and said “hey, if someone bothers you while you’re waiting out here, just ring the bell… we got your back!” Like I said… they were so incredibly friendly. It was a great experience, and as I mentioned earlier, the time definitely accelerated once my sister and Kireet’s group arrived.

So, the doors opened at 7:30 PM, and I couldn’t be more excited. It was literally impossible to be more excited. Once they scanned our tickets, we excitedly ran inside and into the theatre (the venue used to be an old one-theatre cinema), and we were all screaming like little girls (with our arms flailing in the air) running down the aisle to the front as we realized how small the room was and how close we were gonna be. I think this picture sums up how close we were (I mean we were first in line after all, so we were front and center!)

Yeah, I know. I KNOW! I was breathless. After we had claimed our spot, Kireet held down the fort so I could get a shirt before a line forms as well as run to the restroom with tears in my eyes. My sister and I went back to the entrance of the venue to get our shirts for just $25! So worth it. I wanted to get a shirt with the tour dates (as I usually try to do when I go to concerts), but it was just a plain white shirt that said IAMDONALD on the front. As cool as that was, this CHILDISH GAMBINO shirt with his silhouette on the back was clearly the best choice!

After paying for the shirt, I literally ran to the bathroom and probably pee’d for a full thirty seconds. After almost 12 hours of waiting, it was so satisfying. We walked back into the now-packed venue, fought our way to our rightful spot, and freaked out with everyone around us for the next 45 minutes until the show started. THEN… DONALD CAME OUT AFTER A CRAZY INTRO VIDEO. This was our view for the next hour and a half (no zoom!)…

I won’t spoil anything for anyone who hasn’t seen the show yet, but if you want to know about it, this Splitsider article has a great summary of the show. But my guess is that if you’ve read this far into my lengthly tumblr post, you probably just want to finish reading my story, hahaha (thanks for making it this far, by the way!).

OH MY GOD, READER. THE SHOW WAS INCREDIBLE. HIS STAND-UP COMEDY PART OF THE SHOW WAS SO HILARIOUS, AND THEN IT TRANSITIONED WITH A 10-MINUTE PRE-RECORDED HILARIOUS SKETCH OF DONALD TALKING TO FUTURE DONALD ABOUT WHY HE CAN’T DO MUSIC IN THE SHOW, BUT THEN THE PROBLEM THAT IS PRESENTED IN THE VIDEO (see, spoiler-free!) IS RESOLVED AND THEN OUT COMES THE BACKING BAND, FOLLOWED BY CHILDISH GAMBINO!

IT WAS INCREDIBLE. I’m serious, he was INCREDIBLE live. He sounds exactly like he does on his album. Donald Glover is so incredibly talented, it makes my brain explode just thinking about it.

I don’t even like rap, but Childish Gambino is SO GOOD. I can’t stress this enough. If you are reading this and you don’t listen to him, CHANGE THAT RIGHT NOW!

What are you doing still scrolling down?! LISTEN TO HIM NOW! All his music is out there on the internet for free, so go to his tumblr IAMDONALD.com and his blogspot and DOWNLOAD HIS MUSIC NOW! If you don’t like it, I’ll pay you. That’s a promise. If you already listen to him, congratulations! It’s fantastic, isn’t it?

After the mind-blowing concert (Kireet got pregnant), we immediately ran outside to the back of the venue, where we went on to wait an hour against the tour bus in hopes of meeting Donald.

After we realized what was going on, we realized we were at the end of the line. Yeah, kinda not fair considering how long I waited the entire day, but at that point I was just hoping that I could meet and hug my biggest inspiration, as well as to autograph my Season 1 DVD of Community! After an hour of joking around, worrying, and pacing, Kireet’s group, my sister, and I were about to meet DONALD GLOVER!

I kept choking on my own spit as I was next in line to get something autographed, and then once it was time, I walked up to him, and then… CLOUD NINE.

So the video pretty much sums it up. (If for some reason the above video doesn’t play, here is the original link: http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=10150243605235466) Footage of me nervously mumbling at my favorite comedy writer, rapper, actor, comedian hero, DONALD GLOVER / CHILDISH GAMBINO. After the camera stopped rolling, the best part was the following conversation that happened:

Me: May I get a picture if you don’t mind?

Donald: Yeah! Of course! What, did you think I’ll be like “FUCK NO!”?

Me: Yeah. *starts crying*

Haha, okay, I didn’t really cry- er, no, wait, I did cry. I want to be him so bad.

As I mumbled to him, he signed my Season 1 DVD of Community and the Kickpuncher comic that his character Troy created on the show! AW YEAH!

My sister Bridgett was also able to meet and hug Donald, and he signed her purse that she took to see Conan O’Brien’s tour! Here is a photo of them talking. DONALD GLOVER AND MY SISTER TALKED!

I also got a traditional picture of them, but I’m sure she’ll post that on her tumblr!

AHHHHH! OH MY GOSH. I CAN’T BELIEVE ALL THIS HAPPENED! It was an incredibly wonderful night. <3

I hope you enjoyed my incredibly detailed account of May 6th, 2011! I just… can’t believe that I met Donald Glover! I mean… Donald Glover from Derrick Comedy?! Donald Glover as in the guy who wrote for 30 Rock when he was under 25?!?! Donald Glover as in Troy from COMMUNITY?!?!?! Donald Glover AKA CHILDISH GAMBINO?!?!?!?! It’s so unreal. Every time I think about it I still can’t believe I met and hugged him. It will be a night I will never forget.

:{D->—<

*tumblr post fades to black*

Jack Bauer and Osama Bin Laden are trending on Twitter. I knew it.

All jokes aside, what a historic moment… God Bless America.

May the victims of 9/11 continue to rest in peace.

Sometimes it’s really hard coming up with a good one-liner or just a joke in general, especially for twitter, but when I find out it’s not that funny, it feels like someone put out a cigarette in my eye. I write this short rant because I’ve been on such a good streak with witty tweets, and then I really get excited about a new joke that just comes to me that happens to be really good and BAM! I fall flat on my face. Okay my beautiful 14 followers, tell me if this is funny…

I paid $21.99 for Two-Day Shipping because I thought it would arrive TWO-DAY. UGH. This ended up being an expensive pair of socks.

*silence* WELL, I THOUGHT IT WAS FUNNY. I was so excited to post it, seeing as my last several tweets have been getting 10+ likes on Facebook, which is the best feeling to know someone enjoys what I write. I came up with this one out of nowhere, and I was so excited, and… *cue a kid-filled inflatable bouncy castle deflating* I get only a little feedback. I know, I sound like a whiny baby, and you’re probably thinking, “what’s the biggie fries?” Well, I KINDA WANT TO DO THIS FOR A LIVING. … woah, sorry for the all caps, I totally blew up, haha. It’s just that… I love making people laugh, and it’s always difficult to top your last great joke with an even better one, like this…

If AT&T received a text for every time I lost signal, then they- oh wait… they wouldn’t receive the text.

*huge studio audience laughter* This job is a hit or miss kind of thing. It reminds of what Conan says about his show and making people laugh… he says that they do their best to make people laugh, and if a joke doesn’t work out or something just really isn’t funny, they’ll try again tomorrow! Which, I guess in context he is talking about the format of his weeknightly (new word?!) show. I hope if I ever meet Conan (well, I did meet him, but we didn’t exactly talk… hahaha) I would definitely ask him his process for writing jokes. I mean, do some jokes just come to him, or does he spend time coming up with it? I believe it’s a mixture of both, but what do I know!?