Kireet and I live for the NBC comedies. LIVE FOR THEM.

AWWWW YEEEAAAHHH! 4 years and $1,250 later, I finally reached enough points for a Best Buy reward certificate! WORTH IT? UH YEAH, I THINK SO.

Ned Vizzini sent me an email, and… well, the screen shot speaks for itself! :{D Also, HE LIKED MY MOST RECENT JOKE. NED VIZZINI, AUTHOR OF “IT’S KIND OF A FUNNY STORY” LIKED A JOKE BY JEFFREY VEGA, ASPIRING PROFESSIONAL COMEDY WRITER. *faints*

I promised you that this would be an aspiring-comedy blog, and that’s what you’re gonna get. FIRST POST OF 2011, HERE WE GO!

Picture this: I’m at American Eagle Outfitters, greeting people and folding clothes. I aim at fixing tables the best I can, and spend almost an hour perfecting a large table of say, some long sleeve thermals and sweaters. I get this kind of weird excitement when I finish, because I’m saying, “Hey everyone, our clothing is so awesome that I took the time to straighten and size them for you to make your shopping experience that much more enjoyable and not because it’s my job or anything.” Hypothetically, of course. Afterwards, the table and I part in a warm goodbye as I move on to spread my folding abilities to other less-fortunate tables, as well as of course continuing to greet people.

AND THEN… out of the corner my eye, I see a bunch of children charging in the store with the energy of a toy store, and run directly toward MY table of sweaters…

*THE FOLLOWING EVENTS OCCUR IN SLOW MOTION*

I turn around, wide-eyed, as the children arrive at the sweaters. One of the kids yell, “MOMMY!” (keep in mind, this was in slow motion, so it was more like: “MAAAAHHHH-MEEEE” in a really deep voice) The mom comes over and nods at the sweaters (probably because of how amazing the sweaters were folded) and then the kids start flinging through all the sweaters, finding their size.

Where am I in all of this? I’m still at the other table as I watch in horror of what’s happening in front of me. You could see the sweaters flying up in the air in the reflection of my eyeball, along with a single tear running down my cheek (again, this is all in slow motion).

I walked over, trying not to look at the bloody battlefield of sweaters as I asked if they wanted to try their sweaters on. Of course I was happy to see some of the sweaters have a new home, but after I refolded the rest of the sweaters… it just wasn’t the same.

…

RIP Folded American Eagle Striped Sweaters (in a variety of colors)

January 3rd, 2011 4:37pm - January 3rd, 2011 4:42pm

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In good news, however, my manager asked me to stay past my original seasonal job! All my hard work in December has paid off… dare I say it… literally! :{D

I am incredibly exhausted. I have officially worked a full week at American Eagle, and almost everyday I’ve worked 2 hours overtime (tis the season!… literally). But I must say, I love it. What’s that? You didn’t know I worked there? Oh yeah, that’s because I’m a horrible person who never updates his tumblr. WELL THAT’S ALL GOING TO CHANGE SOON. Mainly because my sister has 50+ followers, and I have just 15 (but I love you all so much, you know who you are! … which is you who is reading this obviously… so… yeah!). But the reason my sister has so many more followers isn’t because she’s cool, it’s because her blog has a theme: Conan O’Brien & television. Mostly Conan. I have some great plans for this blog in 2011: a comedy theme. As I aspire to be a comedy writer (and performer! … maybe?), you will join me in a wonderful journey in laughter. Seriously, I WILL make you laugh here. If not, I will pay you actual money. I’m not even kidding. Anyway. More on that later… see you soon!

Sometimes it’s really hard coming up with a good one-liner or just a joke in general, especially for twitter, but when I find out it’s not that funny, it feels like someone put out a cigarette in my eye. I write this short rant because I’ve been on such a good streak with witty tweets, and then I really get excited about a new joke that just comes to me that happens to be really good and BAM! I fall flat on my face. Okay my beautiful 14 followers, tell me if this is funny…

I paid $21.99 for Two-Day Shipping because I thought it would arrive TWO-DAY. UGH. This ended up being an expensive pair of socks.

*silence* WELL, I THOUGHT IT WAS FUNNY. I was so excited to post it, seeing as my last several tweets have been getting 10+ likes on Facebook, which is the best feeling to know someone enjoys what I write. I came up with this one out of nowhere, and I was so excited, and… *cue a kid-filled inflatable bouncy castle deflating* I get only a little feedback. I know, I sound like a whiny baby, and you’re probably thinking, “what’s the biggie fries?” Well, I KINDA WANT TO DO THIS FOR A LIVING. … woah, sorry for the all caps, I totally blew up, haha. It’s just that… I love making people laugh, and it’s always difficult to top your last great joke with an even better one, like this…

If AT&T received a text for every time I lost signal, then they- oh wait… they wouldn’t receive the text.

*huge studio audience laughter* This job is a hit or miss kind of thing. It reminds of what Conan says about his show and making people laugh… he says that they do their best to make people laugh, and if a joke doesn’t work out or something just really isn’t funny, they’ll try again tomorrow! Which, I guess in context he is talking about the format of his weeknightly (new word?!) show. I hope if I ever meet Conan (well, I did meet him, but we didn’t exactly talk… hahaha) I would definitely ask him his process for writing jokes. I mean, do some jokes just come to him, or does he spend time coming up with it? I believe it’s a mixture of both, but what do I know!?