I really need to fine-tune my comedy writing skills. I’m embarrassed to say that earlier this week, I spent an hour and a half that involved reading a headline, researching the current event, and then actually writing a joke for it. If I want to write for CONAN, I obviously can not spend that much time on one joke. Then again I don’t have my own research team, but HEY, no excuses, amirite? So, this is the result of my embarrassingly-long journey. It went through many revisions, and I’m pretty proud of the end result…

*insert laughter here* I mean, you get it right? *nervous laughter* I had a hard time deciding whether to make fun of A&F or The Situation, but I ultimately went with A&F (I do work at AE Outfitters, after all). That joke went onto get a favorite on twitter and about 10 likes on Facebook. Pretty good! An average number of likes for me. At this point of my aspiring comedy writing career I’m trying less to cater to the audience and more just trying to post what I think is funny.

I was quite content with myself for finally writing a decent headline joke, until MY IDOL, CONAN MONOLOGUE WRITER ROB KUTNER, wrote this tweet several hours later…

WHY CAN’T I BE THIS FUNNY?! RRRRRROOOOOOBBBBBB!!!!!! *shakes fist at the sky*

Then again, the jokes are different in the idea that he decided to make fun of The Situation rather than A&F… but boy oh boy is his joke funnier.

I promised you that this would be an aspiring-comedy blog, and that’s what you’re gonna get. FIRST POST OF 2011, HERE WE GO!

Picture this: I’m at American Eagle Outfitters, greeting people and folding clothes. I aim at fixing tables the best I can, and spend almost an hour perfecting a large table of say, some long sleeve thermals and sweaters. I get this kind of weird excitement when I finish, because I’m saying, “Hey everyone, our clothing is so awesome that I took the time to straighten and size them for you to make your shopping experience that much more enjoyable and not because it’s my job or anything.” Hypothetically, of course. Afterwards, the table and I part in a warm goodbye as I move on to spread my folding abilities to other less-fortunate tables, as well as of course continuing to greet people.

AND THEN… out of the corner my eye, I see a bunch of children charging in the store with the energy of a toy store, and run directly toward MY table of sweaters…

*THE FOLLOWING EVENTS OCCUR IN SLOW MOTION*

I turn around, wide-eyed, as the children arrive at the sweaters. One of the kids yell, “MOMMY!” (keep in mind, this was in slow motion, so it was more like: “MAAAAHHHH-MEEEE” in a really deep voice) The mom comes over and nods at the sweaters (probably because of how amazing the sweaters were folded) and then the kids start flinging through all the sweaters, finding their size.

Where am I in all of this? I’m still at the other table as I watch in horror of what’s happening in front of me. You could see the sweaters flying up in the air in the reflection of my eyeball, along with a single tear running down my cheek (again, this is all in slow motion).

I walked over, trying not to look at the bloody battlefield of sweaters as I asked if they wanted to try their sweaters on. Of course I was happy to see some of the sweaters have a new home, but after I refolded the rest of the sweaters… it just wasn’t the same.

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RIP Folded American Eagle Striped Sweaters (in a variety of colors)

January 3rd, 2011 4:37pm - January 3rd, 2011 4:42pm

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In good news, however, my manager asked me to stay past my original seasonal job! All my hard work in December has paid off… dare I say it… literally! :{D

I am incredibly exhausted. I have officially worked a full week at American Eagle, and almost everyday I’ve worked 2 hours overtime (tis the season!… literally). But I must say, I love it. What’s that? You didn’t know I worked there? Oh yeah, that’s because I’m a horrible person who never updates his tumblr. WELL THAT’S ALL GOING TO CHANGE SOON. Mainly because my sister has 50+ followers, and I have just 15 (but I love you all so much, you know who you are! … which is you who is reading this obviously… so… yeah!). But the reason my sister has so many more followers isn’t because she’s cool, it’s because her blog has a theme: Conan O’Brien & television. Mostly Conan. I have some great plans for this blog in 2011: a comedy theme. As I aspire to be a comedy writer (and performer! … maybe?), you will join me in a wonderful journey in laughter. Seriously, I WILL make you laugh here. If not, I will pay you actual money. I’m not even kidding. Anyway. More on that later… see you soon!